


I Don't Wanna Love You Anymore

by galaxy_ash



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Post-Break Up, This Is Sad, im sorry, its fluffy at the beginning tho, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 23:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17611097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxy_ash/pseuds/galaxy_ash
Summary: Based on the song 'I Don't Wanna Love You Anymore' by LANYDan and Phil meet and start dating as teenagers, but as time goes on, Phil realizes that their relationship isn't working.





	I Don't Wanna Love You Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> I recommend listening to the song while reading the letter (the letter is later on in the story)
> 
> also, I know that the first half isn't really that great, so sorry about that
> 
> (btw this is my first time writing any kind of smut so go easy on me)
> 
>  
> 
> I used to love these sheets  
> Dark hair against the white  
> I missed watching you get dressed in our hazy bedroom light  
> It took a couple weeks  
> Last night I finally cried  
> I remembered us in London, your chocolate covered eyes
> 
> Sick of staring up at the ceiling  
> How'd you change your mind just like that?  
> The only way to get past this feeling  
> Is to tell myself you're not coming back
> 
> You got that letter framed  
> Is it still up on that shelf?  
> It's the one I left on our bed  
> When you were out of town
> 
> I don't wanna love you anymore  
> I don't wanna love you anymore  
> From the start, I never thought, I'd say this before  
> But I don't wanna love you anymore  
> I don't wanna love you anymore  
> I don't wanna love you anymore  
> I can't forget, the way it felt, when you walked out the door  
> So I don't wanna love you anymore
> 
> Sometimes I just wanna talk for a minute  
> But I can't bring myself to call  
> Because I know that your heart's not really in it  
> And whatever we had is gone

It was the day that the newest Mario Kart would be coming out in stores, and every sensible teenage boy would be heading to his local game store to purchase it. Of course, this included Phil. Since the store opened at 9am, Phil figured he would be fine getting there half an hour early, but by the time he arrived, the queue was already seemingly miles long. He sighed in defeat, stepping into line behind another boy.

 

It had been about fifteen minutes of standing outside in the chilly fall air, but Phil, with his heavy jacket, was beginning to get warm. He had just shucked off his coat when he noticed the boy in front of him shivering. He probably shouldn’t have heeded him any attention and left him alone, but Phil was too compassionate to consider that fact. Phil tapped the boy on his shoulder, causing him to turn around with a slightly annoyed expression on his face and tug his earbuds out of his ears.

 

“Um… can I help you?”

 

Phil momentarily forgot what he was supposed to be answering with, because he was too entranced by the boy’s beauty. His eyes - although glaring - were warm, freckles were scattered around his face, and his straightened brown hair was being blown around by the wind. He suddenly realized he had just been staring at the boy in silence for far too long. “Oh! Uh, yeah. I was wondering if you wanted to wear my jacket.” When the boy stared at him wordlessly, Phil realized that it might sound weird, and he hurried to explain himself. “I mean, you just look a little cold, and I feel bad.”

 

Another beat of silence before the boy answered. “I can’t take your jacket. I’m fine. You should have it in case you get cold.”

 

“Oh, no! I’m fine, I promise. I’m actually a little warm. I don’t need it right now, and it would make me feel better if you had it.”

 

“I really don’t need it.”

 

“Take it. I insist.”

 

“No really, I couldn’t.”

 

“Take it.” Phil could see the boy was about to retaliate, so he added a “please?”, causing the boy’s defenses to crumble.

 

“Fine. But I’m giving it right back.”

 

Phil grinned smugly, handing his jacket to the boy, who slipped it on gratefully.

 

Phil stuck his hand out, “I’m Phil.”

 

The boy gave a small smile before shaking Phil’s hand, “Dan.”

 

“So, what’re you listening to?”

 

“Um, a band called Muse. You’ve probably never-”

 

Phil gasped, cutting Dan off. “I love Muse! They’re my favourite band!”

 

Dan grinned, causing his cheek to dimple. “No way! That’s so cool.”

 

Phil was about to continue the conversation when he realized the line had moved during their conversation and was now in the store. He mentioned this to Dan, and they both  made their way into the store. They made their way up to the section that was supposed to be filled with the new video game, only to find it bare, save for a single disc left on the bottom shelf. The boys stared at the disc before looking at each other.

 

Phil spoke up first. “You were in front of me. It’s yours.”

 

“We were there at practically the same time.”

 

“But you were there first.”

 

“And you gave me your jacket. Please take it, Phil.”

 

Phil thought for a moment as a plan formulated in his mind. “Okay, but only if you come to mine to play it with me.” It was casual enough to where it could be taken as a request to a friend, and Dan didn’t need to know any better.

 

Dan’s face flashed with a few emotions before settling on pleased. “Okay, it’s a deal.”

 

Phil proceeded to buy the remaining Mario Kart before walking back to his house, accompanied by Dan. They set the game up and played it for hours while talking constantly and, occasionally, yelling threats.

 

They hung out many times after that day, after eventually realizing the multitude of things they had in common. They quickly became inseparable, hanging out at each other's houses all the time.

 

Phil remembers the turning point in their relationship. It was nearly a year after they first met, and Phil was getting restless due to staying only friends with Dan, despite wanting more. He had been finding Dan attractive since that first day, but didn’t realize how long gone he was until one night. At that time, it was May, nearly time for Phil to be done with sixth form, and Dan had gone to Phil’s house after they got home from school so they could hang out. Neither of them felt like Mario Kart that night, but weren’t sure what to do instead, until Phil came up with an idea.

 

“Hey, do you wanna watch a movie instead?”

 

Dan shrugged, “Sure, what movie did you have in mind?”

 

Phil paused for a moment, thinking, before smirking and leaving the room, just to walk back in a minute later holding Titanic.

 

Phil set the movie up before settling on the bed beside Dan, backs pressed to the backboard and shoulders pressed against each other. They enjoyed the first part of the movie in silence, until the scene of Jack drawing Rose came up, and Dan turned away from the screen, flushing pink and all the while looking uncomfortable and slightly ill.

 

Phil laughed before jokingly saying, “Wow Dan, are you that innocent that you can’t look at naked girls? You’re fifteen, live a little.”

 

But Dan turned to Phil with a completely serious look on his face, eyes flashing with flickers of fear. Phil immediately sobered up, quickly pausing the movie and turning his full attention to Dan.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Dan became suddenly entranced by a thread poking out of Phil’s bedspread, and picked at it before mumbling something unintelligible under his breath.

 

Phil laid his hand over Dan’s, stilling his anxious movements, “What? Can you repeat that? I didn’t catch it.”

 

Dan took a sharp inhale before blurting out, “I’m gay.”

 

His eyes flicked between Phil’s eyes and the bedspread, before finally landing on his lips. Phil’s eyes widened in shock at the news and they deviously settled on Dan’s chapped, parted lips. Phil could barely control his impulses, but the rational side of brain knew that he had to make sure Dan wanted this. He knew that just because Dan said he was gay didn’t mean he would automatically like Phil, but he leaned in to Dan, ever so slowly, softly whispering, “Can I kiss you?”

 

Dan nodded, almost imperceptibly, but sat frozen as Phil leant forward. Phil gingerly placed his lips on Dan’s, feeling the warmth they exuded and the slight pressure Dan reciprocated. As pathetic as it was, this was Phil’s first kiss, and he guessed it was Dan’s, as they both struggled to find a place for their hands and position themselves in a less awkward position. Their bodies slotted together easily, and they soon deepened the kiss as Phil’s tongue slid into Dan’s mouth. They only made out for a few minutes before they heard the front door open, signaling Phil’s mum coming home from work.

 

They pulled away, wiping their mouths and bashfully avoiding eye contact, until Phil allowed his fingers to ghost over Dan’s knee, causing their eyes to meet. Phil grinned at Dan and received a dimpled smile in return. They didn’t kiss anymore that night, but before Dan had gone home, he nervously asked Phil a question.

 

“Um… what are we now? You know, now that we’ve, uh, kissed.”

 

Phil smiled, marveling at how adorable he was. “Dan, do you want to be my boyfriend?”

 

Dan erupted into a joyful grin, “Of course I do, Phil.”

 

After that day, they suddenly found themselves having many more sleepovers at each other’s houses, in a disappointingly innocent way. They told their families after about a month or so that they were dating each other, and their families, although concerned about the long distance that would come with Phil’s going to uni, were supportive of the two boys.

 

Contrary to what everyone previously believed, the teens sustained their relationship while Phil was gone. By the time Phil finished his getting his English major, Dan had determined that he had no desire to continue his education and wanted to try and get a job as a computer technician. By this point, both boys were in their early 20s and able to sustain themselves. They had been dating for nearly five years and they didn’t even have to have a conversation about moving in together, it was just a matter of where and when. They figured that London would be the best place for both of them to find work, and decided to purchase their first flat together there.

 

The next two years were filled with love and happiness for the two boys. Their first time on the London Eye together, their first time trying bubble tea, scrolling collectively through Tumblr, watching various anime shows, visiting Piccadilly Circus, touring different cities, cooking homemade meals in their kitchen, and having romantic dates weekly.

 

Their love was a beautiful thing. That is, until it wasn’t.

 

\--

 

_ The two boys were playing Mario Kart, but something seemed off. Their usual bants weren’t there; they hadn’t been recently. They had just made the first lap around Rainbow Road when Dan spoke up, staring resolutely at the screen. _

 

_ “Phil, this isn’t working anymore.” _

 

_ Phil looked confused, “What’s not working? The controller?” _

 

_ Dan paused a moment, trying to figure out how to break the news to Phil, before answering in a quiet tone. “No. Us. We’re not working.” _

 

_ Phil laughed awkwardly for a few beats and looked over at Dan, expecting to see a teasing grin, but his face was wiped of any expression, causing Phil to panic. “Wait. Dan. You’re not… you can’t be serious?” _

 

_ Dan finally looked away from the screen, locking eyes with a perplexed Phil and trying to figure out how to explain his decision. “I… I’m serious, Phil. We’ve not been ourselves recently. Surely you’ve noticed.” _

 

_ Phil stared at Dan, jaw slack and eyes wide. “It hasn’t been that bad. We’ve just been a little off. Nothing significant, not something this bad. Dan, what’re you on about? We’ve been dating for nearly seven years. We’ve been fine, we ARE fine.” _

 

_ “But that’s the thing, Phil. We’ve been dating for nearly seven years, and I’m… not sure if you feel this, but I haven’t been excited anymore. About us, I mean. I don’t feel that thrill that I used to around you. Things are just… dull. I’m not sure how to put this, but I don’t – I don’t feel anything anymore.” Dan was crying by this point, tears dripping down his face, falling onto quivering hands. His voice was choked up when he spoke next. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but this isn’t fair to either of us, me feeling this way. It’s not fair to our relationship.” _

 

_ Phil simply stared, still in shock, and he opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally responding. “Dan, I don’t understand.” _

 

_ Dan gave him a sad smile, “I think we should break up.” _

 

_ Phil gaped at him, voice coming out the faintest whisper. “But… I still love you.” _

 

_ Dan felt a sob wrench its way out of his throat, and he laid his hand gently on top of Phil’s. “I’m so sorry, Phil. This hurts me too, you’ve got to understand, but I don’t want to hurt you in the future by staying here when I can’t give you my full heart anymore.” _

 

_ Phil said nothing. _

 

_ Dan leant forward to press a kiss onto Phil’s temple. “I have to go. I’ll be back for my stuff later. Please forgive me, Dan. I’m sorry.” A final tear descended to the carpet below, creating a nearly imperceptible spot. “Goodbye.” And with that, he stood up, slipped on his shoes, and walked out the door, closing it with a resounding click. _

 

\--

 

Phil had been writing a letter to Dan over the past few days, and now had an envelope hidden under his desk, where he stored it. He didn’t know how to cope - couldn’t possibly know how - so he wrote a letter to his ex-boyfriend, knowing he would never read it.

 

\--

 

**Dear Dan,**

 

**Should I have addressed it ‘dear’? I don’t know. Maybe you shouldn’t be addressing letters to your exes as ‘dear’, but then again, you probably shouldn’t be writing letters to your exes at all. I suppose I’m the exception, and that would make you an exception to my exception. Anyway.**

 

**I still think about you. All the time.**

 

**I’m lying in those itchy grey sheets right now. I can’t stand the other ones. I still have them, folded in the closet. I didn’t wash them. I couldn’t. They still smell like you. And I’ll never forget all those times we had sex on them, because they were so silky and cool against our skin.**

 

_ Phil was straddling Dan, thighs on either side of his waist. All that was going through Phil’s mind was how gorgeous Dan looked, sprawled out beneath him, a squirming, turned-on mess. His hair was particularly poufy, matted to his forehead with sweat, and it stood in stark contrast to the silky white sheets. His face was red from exertion and his nose was slightly crinkled up, pupils dilated with bliss. His collarbones and chest were covered in purplish bruises, courtesy of Phil, and he looked positively wrecked. Phil rolled his hips into Dan’s, causing the boy to whine and push his hips upwards to reciprocate. _

 

_ Phil giggled, “Needy much?” _

 

_ Dan opened his eyes and glared at Phil while pouting. “I can’t help it.” _

 

_ “I know. You’re like a horny teenager sometimes.” _

 

_ Dan huffed an impatient sigh. “Just get on with it already.” _

 

_ Phil smirked, holding Dan’s hips in place as he sank down between his thighs. He decided to make Dan wait a little longer, choosing instead to press wet kisses up Dan’s inner thigh, making him whine in frustration. Finally, he licked a stripe up the underside of Dan’s dick, causing his whole body to squirm in an effort to stay still. Phil grinned, sensing a challenge, and took just the head into his mouth, sucking softly and tasting the saltiness of Dan’s precome on his tongue. Dan couldn’t take it anymore and his hips bucked up underneath Phil’s restricting hands. Suddenly, giving no warning, Phil sank all the way down, capturing Dan’s entire length. Dan moaned in relief as Phil sucked around him with hollowed cheeks. This only went on for a few more moments before Dan was moaning Phil’s name with the warning that he was getting close. Phil knew that he was too, and continued sucking Dan until Dan released into his mouth. Phil swallowed every last drop before pulling off as he spilled onto his stomach.  _

 

_ They lay there, panting for a moment, before Dan reached over to the bedside table, grabbing a handful of tissues and wiping off Phil’s stomach. After Dan tosses them to the floor, Phil scootches up to Dan’s level and wraps his arms around his middle, tucking his head into Dan’s shoulder. Dan laces his fingers through Phil’s, and with his other hand, begins running his fingers through Phil’s sweaty hair before pressing a kiss to his forehead. Phil hums contentedly and tilts his head up to kiss Dan’s jaw before pulling the blanket over them.  _

 

_ Dan smiles at him lovingly. “I love you.” _

 

_ Phil smiles back, fighting to stay awake. “Love you too.” _

 

_ \-- _

 

_ When Phil woke up the next morning, he felt a cool breeze where Dan should have been, and he opened his eyes slowly to adjust to the light. It wasn’t yet 6am, so the sunrise was barely coming through the window, creating a hazy appearance. When he spotted Dan standing beside the bed, naked, with clothes laid out, he grinned. He thought Dan was beautiful, but especially then, and voiced these thoughts to him. _

 

_ “Morning, beautiful.” _

 

_ Dan startled, but then smiled back. “Morning yourself, gorgeous.” _

 

_ Phil beamed, pleased, “Well go on, continue what you were doing.” _

 

_ Dan proceeded to get dressed as Phil lazily watched, admiring the beauty of his boyfriend. After Dan was dressed, he leaned over to press a chaste kiss to Phil’s lips. _

 

_ “Alright, I’m off, I’ll see you when I get back tonight. Love you, Phil.” _

 

_ “Love you more.” _

 

**You probably think I didn’t mind, right? Because I didn’t cry. You cried, almost the whole time, which I think is a bit unfair. You can’t claim that you don’t love me and then cry about breaking up with me. I’m the one who still loves you, I should be the one crying. But I didn’t cry, not for a few weeks at least. I think I was just numb; couldn’t comprehend the thought of not being with you; couldn’t believe it was actually over after seven years. I finally cried last night. It finally hit me, everything that had happened, and I cried. I cried the whole night, Dan. Didn’t get a wink of sleep because all I could think about was you and how in love with you I am.**

 

**I ate a chocolate bar yesterday and my mind was just filled with thoughts of you the whole time. I don’t know why I noticed it one day, how your eyes looked just like chocolate.**

 

_ They were having a random staring contest one day after they had recently moved to London; they seemed to have those a lot for no reason in particular. They were nearly nose to nose, eyes narrowing in an effort not to blink, when Phil saw a spot of chocolate on the corner of Dan’s mouth. When he flicked his eyes back up to meet Dan’s, he noticed that they matched the colour of the chocolate. He blinked in surprise, causing Dan to cheer in victory. _

 

_ Phil jokingly glared, “Hey, that wasn’t a fair round. You have chocolate on your mouth and I just realized something about you.” _

 

_ “What did you realize about me, Phil?” _

 

_ “Your eyes are the same colour of the chocolate you ate this afternoon.” _

 

_ “Really?” _

 

_ “Yeah, really. I told you that you have beautiful eyes. And now it makes me want to lick them.” _

 

_ “Um, first of all, EW. Don’t like my eyes please. Anywhere else, well…” He winked at Phil, grinning. “But what I meant by ‘really?’ was ‘really? You lost our staring contest because of that? I’m disappointed in you.’” _

 

_ “Oi! Alright, back off. Pardon me for choosing to sacrifice a win to compliment your beauty. I’ll make sure never to do that again.” _

 

_ “Okay fiiine, it was a valid reason… But I still win.” He laughed, leaping out of the way when Phil’s fist swung at his arm. _

 

**All I’ve been doing is staring up at the ceiling. Lying in bed, staring up. I could probably draw it in my sleep. There are three cracks running across, near the window, and I think there’s a spider web in the far corner, but I can’t be bothered to get up and look that closely. I still just can’t fathom how you changed your mind about me so fast. It came out of nowhere. Seven years, Dan. Ruined in a moment.**

 

**I figure that the only way I can possibly get over this - over you - is to tell myself that you’re not coming back. You made it pretty clear you wouldn’t. And I know you wouldn’t. Somewhere deep inside me, I know that you did this for my benefit. Not just because you said it, but because of who you are. I know you wouldn’t want to hurt me later on; it would hurt you too much. I know you realize (or at least I hope you do) how much you hurt me, but you were already thinking of the future, and of my feelings, weren’t you? You’re too selfless not to. So that’s what I try to do to convince myself that you’re not coming back. You’re not coming back because wouldn’t want to hurt me more, and hopefully, that helps me get over you.**

 

**Remember that time I wrote a letter to you after we had recently started dating and you had to leave for a week? Of course, you know what letter, I don’t know why I’m describing it. But we were still in the extreme honeymoon phase when I wrote that, and I spilled all of my feelings to you like the cheesy romantic I am. You got it framed, for some indescribable reason. I never thought you would treasure it that much. I suppose I secretly hoped you would, but at the same time, I never thought it possible. I’m not sure if you still treasure it. You probably have it locked away somewhere, or even worse, threw it away. I hope you didn’t do that.**

 

**I’m not sure I ever told you this, because I didn’t want to look clingy, but the one time you went out of town for a week after we had gotten our new flat, I put that letter on the bedside table so I could look at it every day and remember our love. Cheesy and stupidly clingy, right? I know, we Skyped and texted literally every day, but it still helped to have that framed letter up.**

 

**I thought I would always want to love you.**

 

_It was a month after they began dating that the first “I Love You”s were uttered. It was probably considered too early for everyone else, but it felt right to them. They were laying on Phil’s bed after a particularly harrowing game of Heartthrob_ _that night, when Phil looked over at Dan and realized just how lucky he was. The moonlight was shining through the window, making Dan appear to have a halo, and his eyes were closed, giving him a sense of childlike peace. Phil slightly tightened his grip on Dan’s hip and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. Dan’s eyes fluttered open and he looked up at Phil before grinning and snuggling deeper into the dip of his shoulder._

 

_ Phil felt a rush of warmth and adoration and he didn’t even think before blurting out, “I love you.” _

 

_ Dan froze and shifted around so he could stare at Phil, eyes wide. _

 

_ Phil tensed, suddenly realizing what he had said, and began panicking, rushing to explain himself. “I mean, I, uh… sorry, I shouldn’t have—” _

 

_ Dan lunged at Phil, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss before pulling away. “Did you mean it?” _

 

_ Phil hesitated a moment before nodding nervously, watching for Dan’s reaction. _

 

_ Dan grinned, “Then don’t you dare apologize. I love you too, you idiot.” _

 

_ Phil was flooded with joy and reciprocated the grin. “Say it again.” _

 

_ Dan grinned even wider before whispering, “I love you.” Kiss to the forehead. “I love you.” Kiss to the cheekbone. “I love you.” Kiss to the nose. “I love you.” Kiss to the lips. _

 

_ Phil was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. “I love you so much. I’ll never stop loving you for as long as I live. I’ll always want to be in love with you.” He pressed a goodnight  _ _ kiss to the top of Dan’s head before they both snuggled closer together, falling quickly asleep. _

 

**You know, I never thought I’d ever say this, but I don’t want to love you anymore. It hurts too much to love you now. It hurt before, but in a good way. In the way love is supposed to ache. But this just hurts so bad, and I can’t stand the pain. I never did have a high pain tolerance, you know that. And this is an eleven out of ten on the** **pain scale.**

 

**I’ll never forget how it felt when you walked out the door after you broke up with me.**

 

_ Phil had just completed his first lap around Rainbow Road, surprisingly with Dan just behind him. He didn’t notice anything off, just the silence that sometimes came with them  _ _ focusing. _

 

_ Dan broke the silence, saying, “Phil, this isn’t working anymore.” _

 

_ Phil ignored him for the most part, trying to focus on staying ahead of Dan in the game, but tried to think of what Dan could mean. “What’s not working? The controller?” _

 

_ He hadn’t answered right away, which caused Phil to realize that something was off. He finally answered quietly, “No. Us. We’re not working.” _

 

_ Phil’s mind suddenly became clear and he snapped out of the game, while chuckling to try and diffuse the sudden tension. His game was suddenly forgotten and he stared at Dan. When he saw his face devoid of any emotion, the reality of the situation finally hit Phil. “Wait. Dan. You’re not… you can’t be serious?” _

 

_ Phil was frustrated at the lack of eye contact with Dan. Why was he still paying attention to the game? Dan finally looked away from the screen to look at Phil before saying, “I… I’m serious, Phil. We’ve not been ourselves recently. Surely you’ve noticed.” _

 

_ Phil’s mind began furiously flicking through recent memories of him and Dan, searching for anything that could have provoked this, but he came up empty handed. “It hasn’t been that bad. We’ve just been a little off. Nothing significant, not something this bad. Dan, what’re you on about? We’ve been dating for nearly seven years. We’ve been fine, we ARE fine.” _

 

_ “But that’s the thing, Phil. We’ve been dating for nearly seven years, and I’m… not sure if you feel this, but I haven’t been excited anymore. About us, I mean. I don’t feel that thrill that I used to around you. Things are just… dull. I’m not sure how to put this, but I don’t – I don’t feel anything anymore.” _

 

_ Phil heard those words and everything ground to a halt. His mind went from furiously thinking to suddenly blank, a pale space the colour of dried bones where he couldn’t form a single thought. His vision swam in and out of focus and he could see Dan crying and moving his mouth, but he couldn’t hear any of the words coming out; all that was present was an obnoxious buzzing noise that flooded his entire being. He felt his mouth open and close a few times as his hearing returned before he croaked out a response. “Dan, I don’t understand.” _

 

_ Dan gave a sad smile, pitying. So, so pitying. “I think we should break up.” _

 

_ Phil’s mind went blank again, only supplying him with a single sentence. The only sentence running through Phil’s mind in a repeated pattern seemingly like a DNA sequence. The only sentence that he could possibly say. “But… I still love you.” _

 

_ He faintly heard Phil sob before feeling a hand lay upon his. He looked down a second later, a second too late, due to his brain being delayed in its reactions. He heard broken pieces of Phil’s monologue. “… so sorry… hurts… don’t want to hurt you… I can’t… anymore.” _

 

_ There was nothing Phil could possibly say - nothing he could think to say - so he stayed silent, even though he knew there was so much he wanted to say, so much he should say. _

 

_ Phil vaguely felt a kiss being pressed to his temple as he saw Dan lean forward, causing his heart to clench. Dan spoke up again. “I have to go… be back… forgive me... I’m sorry… Goodbye.” _

 

_ Phil watched in a daze as Dan stood up from the couch and walked to the door, slipping his shoes on. His chest felt like it was on fire, flames licking away at his heart and trying to destroy the pulsing muscle. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out and he could only watch in silence as his love walked out the door, shutting it with finality and signaling the end of a journey. _

 

**I can’t forget the way it felt, and for that reason, I don’t want to love you anymore. I can’t.**

 

**Sometimes I think about calling you. I just want to talk, even for a minute, but I can’t. It would just bring all of my feelings back and re-open the wounds. Also, I know your heart isn’t with me anymore, and whatever we had is gone. It was a beautiful, amazing seven years, probably the best of my life. I haven’t yet forgiven you yet for stopping that, but I will with time. I could never not forgive you.**

 

~~**Love,** ~~

**Phil**

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> kudos, comments, and constructive criticism are always appreciated :)


End file.
